Dressing the Ranch
How to Enhance Curb-Appeal on a Ranch-Style House, by Michelle Molinari
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| Classic Ranch Dressing |
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| A Ranch House Requires Landscape to Define
It. |
Despite many books and articles hailing the distinct architectural history and design of the
ranch-style house, many owners of these horizontal slices of Americana seem disdainful of the lineage of their very own homes.
Sometimes referred to as "California Ramblers",
and "Ranch-Burgers", the post-WWII Ranch-Style House, by some estimates, comprises 70% of houses built between 1945
and 1970.
By my
own estimate, I'd venture to guess that 98% of
the owners of these houses wish their homes were a different architectural style.
Addressing curb-appeal issues and advising exterior
paint colors for my clientele is what I do. Here in the Louisiana, the Ranch-Burger is the complete antithesis of our famous
architectural influence, New Orleans' French Quarter. In the course of a week's time, I console, and then attempt to counsel,
at least 5 to 10 closeted Ranch owners about the reason their house looks the way it does. In complete denial, they describe
their house somewhat evasively, avoiding my eyes, drawing pictures for me to work from , and skirting my question: "Do
you own a Ranch?"
Mentioning the low-slung roof and the clean, unadorned
style causes flinches of pain to flash across their brow, as if I am rubbing salt into their wounds. Finally, they capitulate,
"Yes, it is, and I hate it!"
| Houston, Texas |
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| Typical Ranch with a Brick Facade |
Then they quickly go on and tell me of all their plans to abuse and humiliate their minimalist,
modern-era classic with the addition of a wild tri-color scheme, porches, shutters, ironwork, awnings, and ultimately, a steeper-pitched
roof.
In short, they want me to co-sign their plan to turn what they feel is a sow's ear,
into a silk purse.
And so, I psychically gird
myself for battle. I square my shoulders. I focus intently into their eyes, and break their hearts. With all the solemnity
of a physician with bad news, I deliver my oft-repeated speech,
"Ms. So and So, the goal of our appointment is to give you the best advice I can, and not take
all day to do it. The outcome of your plans to drastically obscure the structure of your architecture away from it's
original design will bear out a cosmetically bizarre façade, not unlike Michael Jackson's face. Please, I beseech you,
embrace the style of your house and the surrounding neighborhood, and let's work on enhancing your present design and,
ultimately, your future equity."
Some
clients, at this point, end our appointment in a huff. Most, however, let out a final, drawn-out sigh of defeat, but
at least maintain the social courtesy of hearing me out. I go on, despite the glazed look and the slumped shoulders,
"Ranch-Style houses were specifically designed without adornment. Their
color schemes should reflect the more subdued colors found to blend in with natural surroundings. Usually only one trim and
one body color are warranted, with perhaps a third color used sparingly, if at all. The end result should be a palette
of ecologically inspired, low-key hues.
| Now It's A Ranch House with Style! |
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| Digital Enhancement by Feature This... |
Drama, interest, and individuality are expressed in artful, well-tended landscaping.
The elongated house is but a quiet backdrop. The landscaping and families are the main characters in a predominantly
Ranch neighborhood, not the houses themselves.
It's as wonderful a concept now as it was then."
These
interventions, while deflating, always seem to occur right before I find myself in the drive-thru
at Burger King.
